Get thee behind me…
August 22nd, 2006
Today’s post is not a perfume review, and here’s why: some time yesterday afternoon I realized every single smell in the world annoyed me, from the usually tolerable tarry city smell to the usually lovable smell of baked muffins and coffee. Everything. The ordeal was intensified by the fact I had to prepare a review for today, and I absolutely could not imagine getting my nose into anything perfumey. To top it off, I overapplied my beloved Tea for Two in the morning, in hopes to prolong the smell throughout the day but instead it ended up giving me tooth cavities. It’s like if you decided to put in four packets of sugar into your chai latte. So, I consulted with a friend as to how to remedy the deplorable situation, and she gave me brilliant advice, as always. Why not write about stinky perfumes or just smells you can’t stand (excluding the obvious)? I was overjoyed. It fits my mood perfectly! I hereby invite you into my stinkdom experience.
First and foremost, I cannot tolerate the smell of cigarette smoke. I love the smell of unlit cigarettes, though, and the perfume that has that vibe is Hermessence Vetiver Tonka. Cigarette smoke, however, absolutely clogs my breathing passages. I grew up with a dad who smoked like a malfunctioning chimney, often with all the windows in the apartment closed. I guess it put him in a state of nirvana while I usually ran out screaming or ended up screaming at him for subjecting us to such inhumane suffering. So, now, when I walk behind a person who’s smoking (happens daily), I get all kinds of violent thoughts and images in my head. I do love the smell of pipe tobacco, though.
Another smell that’s absolutely vile to my nose is diesel/gasoline (I don’t differentiate here). I grew up riding trains and buses, and I have numerous memories of riding this particular bus that used to be popular in the ex-USSR (can’t recall the name now) that I swear was specifically designed to exude gasoline fumes to permanently damage the brains of the passengers. I would get sick every single time, and my mom would have to ask the driver to stop for her daughter to throw up (and I did throw up every time).
Now on to stinky perfumes. Disclaimer: the strong opinions expressed below are purely subjective. Some of the ones I cannot stand are (as in, really cannot stand):
Versace Crystal Noir - headache-inducing mock of a floral in a grotesque bottle
Dior Hypnotic Poison - gut-wrenching instant poison
L’Artisan Timbuktu - rotting pine needles
Lush Karma - stomach-turning orange-patchouli venom
Montale Amandes Orientales - Barbie doll head
Caron Narciss Blanc - Soviet laundry soap
Jovan White Musk - sinus-clogging waterpipe rust
Donna Karan Be Delicious - apple vodka
MPG Iris Blue Gris - grassy fruitcake aftershave
Michael Kors Michael - cloying, suffocating mess
I’d love to hear what smells/perfumes you can’t stand. I’m in a stinky mood!
Image source: www.ditto.com
Entry Filed under: This and That
42 Comments Add your own
1. dinazad | August 23rd, 2006 at 12:54 am
Actually, I like Amandes Orientales: Tiger pee and vanilla. One of the scents for barbaric moods, like Miel de Bois (which I adore). Stinkers? The original Poison (alien green hallucinogenic gas only Spiderman could save humanity from), White Linen (egad! if my fresh linen smelled like that I’d NEVER wash it! this is vile!), Alliage (vase of rotting chrysanthemums), Lipstick Rose (instant toothache), MPG Soie Rouge (mouldy polyester), Geoffrey Beene Woman (twenty years of unwashed, sweaty bum, bottled) to name the first that come to mind (I can probably come up with quite a few others if you give me a minute). Hope your enjoyment of pleasant smells returns soon!
2. Vimal Solanki | August 23rd, 2006 at 1:50 am
I hate smelling beaches, Dettol [used to love it, but I over did it by getting soap, hand wash, disinfectant, shampoo of the same brand and am suffering a Dettol nausea now] , lifts/elevators, papayas, immigration queues’, cats, fish, batteries, the Oxford dictionary [even the latest Harry Potter fat book], clinics and hospitals. In fragrances, my list is short - Chanel no. 5, Thierry Mugler Angel, Dior Pure Poison, Brut, Lever’s Axe, CKbe, Bulgari Black, Dior J’adore.
3. Judith | August 23rd, 2006 at 5:55 am
What a great post! I’m interested to discover that I like several of the scents you hate (Hypnotic Poison, Iris Bleu Gris, Timbuktu); the rest, I either haven’t smelled or can’t remember (Narcisse Blanc). The only bad smells I can think of right now are the obvious ones (rotting garbage, etc.). And I will only mention one perfume; I smelled this only recently (late to the game) and it immediately shot to the head of the line, knocking Miel de Bois on its pissy head: Pink Sugar–horrible fake strawberry and an overdose of sweetner! My reaction to it was so bad that the so-called friend I was sniffing with found it amusing to chase me around Sephora with a scent strip. YUCK!
4. Lucy | August 23rd, 2006 at 6:09 am
Great post. What really gets on my nerves is the smell of disinfectant soaps like Irish Spring or Zest, closely followed by badly scented antiperspirants especially those marketed for men, and then the cleaning liquids like PineSol. Also there is a terrible powder called Gold Bond which is also some kind of deodorant and smells much worse than honest sweat. I think they use some form of rocket fuel to scent those things. Not a fan of the smell of fish, either. Hot interiors of cars that have been baking in the sun. Very few are made of leather, that heated plastic smell is headache inducing. As far as perfume goes, I can’t stand Tresor, or any of the Estee Lauder things, they really have this high pitched whine built into them. There must be some nameless chemical molecule in there that hates me.
5. chaya ruchama | August 23rd, 2006 at 6:20 am
Poor Inushka!
Don’t you detest those black days?
Here goes:
What I hate, but it’s interesting:
rotted fishguts in 100% humidity in over 90 degree heat;
ferociously unwashed nether parts of men who have not made their covenant with the Almighty;
gangrene;
terminal stages of decay/cancer
Perfumewise [ahh,that’s better!]-
-Original Poison-severe headaches and trollops, albeit well-dressed ones;
-White Linen and Youth Dew [yeah, I know….Luca Turin loves them…so I’m a Philistine, OK?]-styrofoam smell and Evil Aunt Sally [quick! hide under the bed!] ;
-Vera Wang Princess [I need insulin here, folks]
-Tabu [more Aunt Sally- they gave me her castoffs, and no amount of cleaning could remove the foundation OR evil odor of cheap crack whores in hell]…
I’ve got to give it a rest…
NEXT
6. Elle | August 23rd, 2006 at 6:53 am
I agree w/ you on all the scents you dislike except for Narcisse Blanc and my beloved IBG. But I grew up in countries w/ the same type of diesel/gas fuel you mention and I *adore* the smell. I missed it terribly when I moved to the US. Always inhale deeply of it when traveling. My parents didn’t smoke and I don’t smoke, but I swoon in happiness whenever I’m around anyone else who does and a room filled w/ dense smoke does elevate me to a state of nirvana. Cigarettes, pipes, cigars…if it involves smoke or tobacco, I’m happy. I’ve got great memories of people I loved who smoked or being in places (Paris, Moscow) where people smoked w/ abandon. I’ve been known to just follow strangers who are smoking so that I can continue to inhale their fumes.
The perfumes that top my list of hated scents would be MPG Eau de Mure (poisoned blackberries) and IPdF’s Limone di Sicilia (undoubtedly used for torture by CdM).
7. greeneyes | August 23rd, 2006 at 7:30 am
On the non-perfume side, I’m right there with you on the cigarette smoke. It’s vile. I also hate cigar smoke…it makes me want to heave. But you’re right, pipe tobacco is nice.
Microwaved fish…hate it, especially when it’s someone who’s microwaved it in their lunch at work and it hangs in the air all day.
The smell of too much perfume; I grew up with a mother and stepmother who both found it perfectly acceptable to apply perfume in the car, with the windows all rolled up. And pickled beets. No.
Perfumes: I don’t like White Linen either. Comptoir Sud Pacifique Vetiver Haiti smells like Aqua Net on unwashed hair. And then there was that Keiko Mecheri nightmare from a few weeks ago, White Petals. Countrytime lemonade made into cheap candy.
8. Marina | August 23rd, 2006 at 8:02 am
Those old Soviet buses! Oh god, the fumes, the fumes!
I am with you on Hypnotic Poison and Be Delicious. I found both of them offensive to the derge where I had to scrub them off.
9. Ina | August 23rd, 2006 at 8:32 am
Dinazad, I remotely like Amandes Orientales in the very, very drydown when it actually does smell like soft almonds.
Funny about your comments on the scents you hate! I actually just got a mini of Poison parfum because, believe it or not, I never wore it in my life. I do think it’s a killer of a scent, though, and needs *very* light application.
10. Ina | August 23rd, 2006 at 8:34 am
Vimal, beaches? You don’t like smelling beaches? I’m very surprised.
I don’t think I’ve ever smelled Dettol. I love the smell of new books. I always feel like I could eat them. But I relate on your other hates.
11. Ina | August 23rd, 2006 at 8:35 am
Judith, perfect description of Pink Sugar! Believe it or not, I actually used to love it when it first came out.
12. Ina | August 23rd, 2006 at 8:37 am
Lucy, oh my word, I so agree on Zest and Iris Spring (what’s up with the name, anyway?) and Pinesol (a killer - both in smell and in effect). I’ve smelled Tresor numerous times and never found it appealing.
13. Ina | August 23rd, 2006 at 8:39 am
Chaya, I detest these type of days. Just today I sprayed some Poussiere de Rose, and it was TOO SWEET. Never had that impression before.
14. Ina | August 23rd, 2006 at 8:40 am
Elle, I knew you loved the smells I hate.
But if you had to ride on those buses, I bet you’d get sick, too. I can’t recall what Eau de Mure smells like but I’ll take your word for it.
15. Ina | August 23rd, 2006 at 8:41 am
Greeneyes, pickled beets???? Blasphemy. But I agree on too much perfume. Nothing can kill a great scent like overapplying.
16. Ina | August 23rd, 2006 at 8:41 am
Marina, offensive is a good word for those two.
17. March | August 23rd, 2006 at 9:39 am
Well — more Hypnotic Poison for me, then.
You’re right about all the rest of them… I am surprised at how many MPGs are on the lists, do any of them smell good? Can you suggest one?
You could kill me with Borneo, any Caronade, or overt, cheap sweetness — the Jessica Simpson dessert line was one of the foulest things I have ever smelled.
Non-fragrance wise, I share your fuel aversion — anything that’s busy fuming (bus, diesel, jet) and nail polish/remover, paint thinner. Instant major headache, potential vomiting.
18. Ina | August 23rd, 2006 at 10:06 am
March, you can have all the HP in the world!
Yes, I quite like a couple MPGs - Magnolia Pourpre, Or Des Indes, and George Sand. You must try them! Totally agree on Jessica Simpson stuff. Vile. I do love the smell of paint, though.
19. Judith | August 23rd, 2006 at 10:46 am
Since you are admitting to your earlier liking for Pink Sugar, I should mention that my fondness for HP goes back to an earlier stage in my life. Nowadays, I find that it is improved by a healthy dose of 10 Corso Como. Voila–”Hypnotic Corso Como.”
20. Victoria | August 23rd, 2006 at 10:53 am
Your father sounds like my own.
I like Hypnotic Poison from time to time, but yes, I can see how it can be vile to some. BTW, I just got some Cuir Amethyste, so we shall see how it might fare when I revisit it this time.
21. Ina | August 23rd, 2006 at 11:28 am
Judith, 10 CC? Hmm. HMM.
22. Ina | August 23rd, 2006 at 11:29 am
Vika, *do* let me know what you think of CA! Unfortunately, I just can’t wear HP at all. I’ve tried, too.
23. Teri | August 23rd, 2006 at 12:05 pm
I agree wholeheartedly on the Michael Kors fragrance. It reminds me of one of my great-aunts who ‘bathed’ herself in some noxious and overwhelming fragrance.
I also agree on Poison — any of the Poison varietals, too. They wreak complete havoc with my sense of smell and give me an immediate piercing headache.
Three others that do nasty things with my skin chemistry are Shalimar, J’Adore, and Very Irresistable. I was gang-tackled in Dillards with VI by two very aggressive spritzers. In the air, it wasn’t so bad, but in two minutes, on my skin, it turned vomitous. I literally had to leave the mall, go home and take a shower.
As for non-perfume smells that I dislike: the smell of internal ogans (tongue, liver, kidneys) cooking, filled ashtrays, any human being unwashed for more than a few hours (fresh sweat of a laboring person actually isn’t bad — it’s an honest, natural odor), and the candy known as circus peanuts.
24. Ina | August 23rd, 2006 at 12:09 pm
Teri, I agree with you on J’Adore and Very Irresistible. J’Adore can actually be bearable if applied wigh a light hand. VI is just vomitous, as you said. Never heard of circus peanuts. I do love the smell of liver frying, though.
25. Teri | August 23rd, 2006 at 12:17 pm
Circus peanuts are a hard chewy marshmallow candy with an identity crisis. The are shaped like large peanuts, colored orange, and have the nastiest faux banana smell and taste. One has to wonder what warped mind came up with this idea! lol Yet they’ve been a popular item for nearly 100 years.
26. Patty | August 23rd, 2006 at 12:41 pm
Prada for Women and Pomegranate Noir are just Evilllll. Make my nose just revolt horribly.
27. Ina | August 23rd, 2006 at 12:59 pm
Teri, LOL at “identity crisis’! Doesn’t sound appealing at all. Actually, I dislike most American candy, so I’ll probable hate it, too.
28. Ina | August 23rd, 2006 at 1:00 pm
Patty, really? Even Prada Intense? No comment on Pom Noir.
29. greeneyes | August 23rd, 2006 at 4:38 pm
Oh, I agree with Patty. I don’t like Prada either! Stinky. I did get to smell the Amber pour Homme, though, and that’s much better…must try it on.
Only pickled beets Ina…something from childhood. I like beets in general…I like borscht!
30. Ina | August 23rd, 2006 at 6:02 pm
Greeneyes, Prada Pour Homme is definitely better. I *adore* pickled beets or beets in general.
31. Flora | August 23rd, 2006 at 11:27 pm
The list is long, but I concur with cigarette & cigar smoke - I also hate gasoline fumes but I LOVE the smell of RAW gas - just as I love unlit tobacco. Amazing what a difference combustion makes! A so-called “clean” smell I hate is Lysol - I gag every time. I also hate the odor of chlorine bleach and ammonia.
Perfumes? Original Poison, of course, horrid stuff, unspeakable. Also its 1980s contemporaries, Cher Uninhibited and Christion Lacroix C’est La Vie. Those three “perfumes” should never have been born. Honorable mention to Giorgio - Attack of the Killer Perfumes! And of course Tabu - so claustrophobically heavy. I recently smelled something new called Vertigo - they were not kidding, it made me dizzy, and not in a good way! A bizarre metallic “aftertaste” and everything in it clashed. And last but not least, Elizabeth Taylor White Diamonds - something in it makes me want to run away as fast as I can, like it’s going to smother me.
32. Ina | August 24th, 2006 at 8:37 am
Flora, I haven’t smelled Cher Uninhibited or C’est La Vie or Giorgio, for that matter! As for Vertigo, it was truly vile. Thanks for your thoughts!
33. Karen | August 24th, 2006 at 5:09 pm
I don’t like L’eau par Kenzo. Unfortunately, I bought some. Now I’m stuck with it. Thought that I liked it. UGH! What was I thinking?
Didn’t like Tabu several years ago when someone gave it to me for Xmas. But I was polite and pretended I was pleased with the gift. Then I bought some Tabu recently because it came with a pretty velveteen keepsake box. UFF! I guess I still don’t like Tabu. But my “nose” is maturing, so I will try it again. And again. It is an old classic from the 1930’s, so it must have some good qualities.
Does anyone else make that same mistake? Buy a fragrance because it comes with a cute purse, carry-bag, small suitcase, scarf, umbrella, keepsake box, what-not. I’ll do that, buy some fragrance because I fall in love with the cute purse or whatever. That’s how I ended up with the cute black quilted purse I got because I bought some Perry Ellis 360 degrees. Love the purse. I’m not so sure about the edt.
Worst fragrances were some Avon fragrances I bought years ago. UGH! Ended up tossing them down the sink, probably. Or just trashed them.
34. Ina | August 24th, 2006 at 6:11 pm
Karen, so funny! I agree on Avon and L’Eau par Kenzo.
35. Tom Pease | August 24th, 2006 at 8:10 pm
Cigarette Smoke
Pee (like skid row, which I work near)
Diesel bus fumes (thank gawd for natural gas busses!)
Poison (gag)
Pink Sugar (bet me some insulin)
Luctor et Emergo ($160 to smell like Play-Doh? Je ne thinkso pas)
36. Ina | August 24th, 2006 at 9:27 pm
Tom, agree on all except POTL. Sorry!
37. Vimal Solanki | August 26th, 2006 at 1:48 am
Ina, have you smelled a beach in Bombay? You’ll relate with me on this one as well. Ugh!
38. Ina | August 27th, 2006 at 5:28 pm
Vimal, no, I haven’t had a chance to smell it yet.
I’ll take your word for it, though!
39. Tommasina | August 28th, 2006 at 7:27 am
Awful smells:
All the varieties of Poison – headache-inducing, evil stuff. ISSEY MIYAKE – ACK!!! - and any ozonic / marine stuff around. Also in this class of can’t-stand-them perfumes: Giorgio; Paloma Picasso; Cinnabar and Youth Dew (my mother wore both back in the day); Angel (I have a client who wears it and the I find it very difficult to work with her as I am choking all the time I’m in the same room with her; and it LINGERS for hours after she’s left); any Caron once it’s on me. And - I’m going to be strung up for this one, I’m sure of it – but L’Heure Bleue which, on me, was a complete nightmare. Just awful. Also any ‘generic’ men’s aftershave such as
Bleach and cleaning product smells in general – though I DO like things to be clean, of course, which is why I applaud the efforts of people like Method who scent their products with (e.g.) pink grapefruit and cucumber. I still don’t like the smell; but it’s a darn sight better than the alternative, and definitely a step in the right direction, IMO.
I likewise loathe all those ‘can’t possibly risk getting BO’ soaps. My husband bought a 6-pack once and somehow one slipped out of the package and under the bed – don’t ask me how; but I was like the Princess and the Pea bcs I just couldn’t sleep. I could only sleep when we’d hunted through the entire bedroom and surroundings to find and DESTROY the culprit. Ack.
Tobacco smoke, except for that sweet pipe smoke, like hay – as long as it’s outside and I can get away if need be… Unlit tobacco is OK; so sue me, I like YSL Cinema which dries down to blond tobacco on me - though my husband hates it! (Aside: I’m a singer, and gave a concert yesterday. Whenever I took a deep breath I loved the whiffs of Cinema I got coming up from – excuse me – my bra, on which I had spritzed said scent 4 days earlier! Hehehe!)
French and Belgian sewer smells that engulf you from time to time as you walk about.
Dog breath.
Offal cooking.
Raw chicken – or even cooked chicken. Both gag-inducing in me, quite literally.
Citronella and any other bug spray you care to mention.
Sweaty feet!
That’s all I can think of right now…
T
40. Tommasina | August 28th, 2006 at 7:29 am
Oops! Sorry for the over-long post - and yet I somehow managed to leave off the end of a sentence in there. Well, you know what I mean by ‘generic men’s aftershave’, I’m sure.
41. Patricia | October 1st, 2006 at 3:31 pm
The fridge at work.
Dive bars first thing in the morning. (Worked at one when I was younger. At night I was too busy too notice, I guess, but the next day all of the stale smells from the prior debauchery came back to haunt me. Putrid.)
“vegie” pate. And it’s hilarious to watch people pretend that it satisfies. I mean really, what is the point?
Kiwis.
Strange smells that I actually like:
Raw gasoline. Reminds me of being a child and going to fuel up the grain truck with my dad.
LIkewise, deisel fuel, but only in the winter time. Memories of snowmobiling as a child.
The smell of cleaning products, but only for about half a day once a week. I just like knowing everything is getting clean so that good smells can once again rule!
Fresh sweat on my very clear boyfriend. He never smells at all, so when he’s sweaty he just seems very male and fresh.
42. Zekiye Selvili | April 27th, 2007 at 7:15 pm
1) Kingdom by Alexander McQueen: It smells like peppery and cuminy sweat
2) Angel by Thierry Mugler: It smells like cheap perfume mixed with body odor.
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